The Sacred Union - Within & Without
Well, I didn’t have a clue I would be returning to this place but somehow an intent to write a post on Facebook has unraveled into being a post here. Probably because the teaching I received was too grand to be expressed in only a few words.
Its actually somewhat amusing (and delightful to me) that as I go to write here about my experience in yoga this morning - how it is connected to the class/the teachings I gave last night around the element of fire and my own personal growth - and I happen to see the first paragraph of what I wrote on Samhain in my journal:
“How come I CONSISTENTLY ...and I mean CONSISTENTLY in my life keep returning to this level of pain? Literally, HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS of times I return to my body being so stiff and in pain that I can barely move, or walk up steps….Why do I come here? Why can’t I develop a sustained practice with food and exercise that keeps me in a place of flexibility and strength?What in the world can I do to actually truly change this so I don’t come back to this level of pain? I “simply” need to banish myself of those things that keep me in a place of ignoring the needs of my body.”
I am actually almost astonished at the connection between where I was then and where I am now….how at some level I have brought my intention forward without even really realizing it. In some sense though I “should’ not be that astonished - I have been following through with my commitments, I have been organizing and structuring my time, I have been taking care of my body. I have also been teaching classes and walking them….I’ve stuck around…THAT is the key, THAT is the challenge I have moved through. (am moving through)
It all really came about while I was doing/experiencing yoga this morning. As I am raising my right leg in the air and moving it in to my chest and then in to a plank pose - I realized something about my relationship to ‘Strength’ (which is truly directly connected to power, forward movement and sustaining momentum).
Quite often (going to say in the past now as I am choosing to step out of this paradigm) I chose those yoga exercises that were low to the ground, that increased my flexibility in my back and hips, however, I’ve never really liked the exercises that require a fair amount of core strength. I got tired and felt like (and heard my mind telling me) “I just can’t do it”, “it’s too much for me to do these types of poses”.”I picked the ‘wrong’ video this morning” I would then 95% of the time - (and yes, I can acknowledge I have made some attempts to move past it before - I was just not in a place to sustain it for any length of time)...I would then go back to my comfort zone and keep doing the yoga routines that I am familiar with.
Maybe it was what I needed at the time, maybe it’s all I was ready for, maybe I needed to do other work first….yet I also notice now in an ever increasing way that I always seemed to return to the old loop right at that point where the action I needed to do required core strength. I didn't’ have it so I didn’t do it. I didn’t do it, so I didn’t have it! So...the loop continued going around and around and around…
Such was the story of my life. WAS.
In the past I had started taking action towards my dreams… SEVERAL times. Hundreds of times really. Yet, never had I been able to truly allow my dream to manifest in a way where it shone brightly from the sky for all to see, for all to say “Oooooh aaaaah what a wonderful thing, what a wonderful sight to see! ”. I always seemed to disappear before I was seen. Yes, I could be seen from the ground - if you were in close proximity and standing fairly close to me, but no - not much further than that.
I see the connection. I see it in a way that I have never seen before. I have seen many aspects of this before but not like this. Now the layer of seeing is much deeper. I see how I MUST keep moving forward towards my dream right now, into the work I am being called to do (if I REALLY want to become the dream - if I really want to live that life I imagined) How I MUST not listen to those thoughts in my head that have been rising in the last couple weeks - those thoughts that are really trying to convince me that this is crazy, only a stupid dream and when it doesn’t work, when it fails, everybody is going to look me as a Fool.
Well, I have decided to keep walking - even as I face the shadow aspects of my mind AND the shadow aspects of relationships, other’s opinions or judgments, etc, I simply have to continue to develop my relationship with strength and with the divine masculine…..there simply isn’t time anymore.
It so happens that I have an “ace int he hole” so to speak. I have developed a much different relationship to the Fool. I happen to like the Fool. The Fool walks a very exciting and adventurous journey and meets many amazing archetypes, heroes, gods and goddesses. Yes, they also meet danger, and potential harm, and possibly even death...yet, if the Fool chooses to keep walking, the world is their oyster. The possibilities are endless. They are living the life they could never imagined as they first stepped on that path, they are united with their Soul and they are ONE.
I may certainly not know for sure what will unfold from following the synchronicities (and trust me there are MANY these days!) my internal nudges and instincts, however i do know that my dream/my service/my work has never felt more real than it does now. I am very aware that I need to stay close and in good relationship with that divine masculine energy within me in order to develop structure in my day, organize my time and discipline myself to follow through with what I have committed to.
Being someone who has either had VERY unhealthy/abusive relationship with males, who had shut them completely out of my life this is not an easy task...but is it really for any of us? I mean really, haven’t we all in some sense been taught to sever our head from our body and choose one or the other? And, hasn’t it often been forced on us to “choose” the path of the male? AND hasn’t that male energy been modeled after a very destructive patriarchal image of what male is? No WONDER we have disconnected from the male aspect of ourselves! Or, in the case of being a male - no WONDER they have gone to extremes of ego, arrogance and power over - or are in a void place of feeling lost as the paradigm of duality is shifting, as women’s definition of Self & Power has also been shifting. Many have forgotten completely how to even find their feminine energy within them.
Our heads have been cut off from our bodies. We have become a great divide. No wonder there is SO MUCH effort in the patriarchal political system to try with all their might to keep that dualistic, separate, divisive nature of us as split….either we are male or we are female. Not both/and. Not possible. They must keep us small and separate for them to survive, for them to continue to have power over, to keep all the wealth, to keep destroying whatever they like…….
For if we embodied ourselves as both/and beings IMAGINE THE POWER! And truly, you don’t need to go far. There are those who are that - in ALL ways, there are those who are doing it, there are those who welcome it. I AM doing it in my life and I bet in some way you are always doing it in your own way as well.
It’s definitely a very challenging road, and it’s hard to be at that beginning place - where you re-establish a relationship with a part of yourself that you had caught off/banished abandoned years ago. Where you have almost forgotten who that part of yourself even is. Now it’s time to invite them back, find them, speak to them - begin to seek the divinity of masculine and feminine, begin to believe that they still exist AND begin to allow them to return to your life. You will be amazed at the beauty that unfolds.
We have GOT to do it for the sake of us AND most importantly for the sake of the Earth, all Her inhabitants AND the future of this planet. The future of our descendants.
One little step, one little yoga practice - one little challenge at a time - or yea - in lieu of these times and the energies of all the planetary transits and such - maybe one at a time is a bit of a reach lol… maybe then we need to make sure we connect with each other and support each other, draw on the assistance and guidance of our allies and guides, of plant medicine and crystals, of healers and teachers and the elders…there are so many supports available to become more whole as the human beings we are meant to be.
We can do this.
(And then I find this - the last post on my old blog “Return of the Wisewomyn” http://thesagewomyn.blogspot.com/)