I just finished 31 days of yoga.
To some of you that may not sound like a big feat, however, for me? Whole different story.
I am one (to rephrase - have been ;)) of those girls/women who always jumped from one thing to another. I would hear of something really cool and I would be the first one in line to jump off the cliff.
Running like bull actually.
I would immerse myself in something 110%.
I would subtly drop away....
and jump off another cliff into a different body of water.
All the bodies of water were very cool. All the experiences amazing.
This did of course, however, make me a jill of all trades.
If I were to list the amount of things I have gotten involved in and started it would definitely take a few pages at least. As I continue to evolve and grow and my faith in myself and the Universe deepens I see now that I allowed the external world and my feelings to distract me from my course and bring me to another direction. Again and again. If it appeared like things weren't working, if obstacles showed up or my level of anxiousness and self doubt (along with all those other 'lack-ofs') got too strong I simply would allow myself to be carried to another interesting direction. Not to say I didn't push through any of these things. I did. I never really could, however, make a long term commitment, or hold the faith in the Universe enough to truly engage and have a relationship DEEP to the core. I have no regrets about this (well as I say it I do feel a wee little fluttering inside saying I might have a little. I'll look at that later ;)) as I definitely have knowledge and experience in a lot of different modalities. .
In some sense its great. I have lived many lives and have many different perspectives. On the other hand I could never really allow myself to go through all the intimate moments that arise as we push through to go after something we truly desire. I simply was not ready, on all levels - emotional, mental, physical or spiritual. I had a lot of old baggage to release and heal and each of these modalities truly helped me to work through whatever was rising at the time. As my teacher used to say, "you've got to wait until all the parts of yourself catch up before you truly move on". That takes awhile when you've got some deep rooted shit to work through.
Interesting that now its the first time that I am staying with something. As I do develop this ability to 'stay' I notice that all that I ever did is starting to weave itself into one beautiful tapestry. Its like a quilt that has a hundred different beautiful squares. Each with their own individual beauty. Huh, sort of like us. All interconnected and each of us one little square on the beautiful tapestry that is the Universe. How beautiful is that!
Doing something like the 31 day yoga helped me to develop that stick-to-it-niveness that is so important in truly manifesting my vision, in creating this Oneness of all that was before.... That and the 100 days of writing I did last year (haven't got to the place of committing further to bringing it to the next step yet, but hey, one step at a time)
Perhaps it is time to truly step into my power and be who I came here to be. Perhaps I am ready. Perhaps I have strengthened and exercised my 'muscles' enough to keep walking forward and allow myself to become this beautiful tapestry that has always been here.
For some reason this is bringing me to share Thorne Coyle's Holy Mother prayer:
"Holy Mother, in whom we live move and have our being, from you all things emerge and unto you all things return.....Open our hearts this blessed day. Touch our bodies and our minds. Walk with us through the gates of power, in shadow and starlight, in fire meeting earth, in wind on the ocean and the sweet kiss of life. Blessed be our Journeys.
Can't wait for the unfolding of this journey! (okay yea, I can ;))
Soon you shall see new offerings from Incandescence :)
May Courage, Strength and Tenacity be yours <3